Second Chances
by USStardis11
Summary: "He felt as if they had nipped in the bud the silent connection which, for good reason, he kept confined to the back of his mind, was strong and reminded him of what he had lost months ago in Bad Wolf Bay" A tragedy offers a new opportunity to live, but the guilt, double meanings and unspoken words can dash hopes
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Doctor Who is not mine. I do not earn anything with this fic more than calm my feels. Enjoy.

Author Notes: The Doctor gave them the coral chunk from the TARDIS at the end of journey's end.

Thanks to my beta: MingoGirl, for helping me to correct my translation

I upload this fic to my account on Teaspoon: arcee93

Chapter I

Reunion

He felt as if they had nipped in the bud the silent connection which, for good reason, he kept confined to the back of his mind, was strong and reminded him of what he had lost months ago in Bad Wolf Bay.

The Doctor stumbled and fell unceremoniously on the seat in front of the TARDIS console. That meant one thing, despite which, a single large, scary thought crossed his mind.

Rose was alone and in mortal danger.

Without warning, lights were lit on the TARDIS console, the controls began to move on their own, the levers were swaying, spinning dials and buttons tightened and loosened almost to a set tempo.

"What?" gasped the Doctor, raising an eyebrow.

The TARDIS whispered with concern and arrogance in the back of his mind.

"Hey! It was the last thing I needed to hear!" he snorted, clinging to the seat.

With a loud crash, the TARDIS landed, the lights blinking rapidly, urging the Doctor to hurry. He stood, one hand on his head and walking in circles, never admitting he did that, he went to the door and opened it.

The desolate, heartbreaking panorama made his way to his eyes; an impossibly low, gray sky, a cold, biting wind, and a rarefied atmosphere with the smell of death, thousands of TARDIS' in many forms and colors were scattered to across the entire surface and beyond.

"The TARDIS graveyard at the End of Time, Why have you me...? Oh. Oh no." This was the final test, the icing on the cake, confirmation to his discomfort. He started running, using his keen eyesight; again the life of the most valuable person in his entire existence was in danger. Not far he detected a flash of blue, a dying blue, and ran to the doors of the parallel universe TARDIS and put a hand on the wooden exterior, overwhelmed by the familiar company of guilt. Why had left that piece of TARDIS in the hands of his meta-crisis self and Rose?

"I'm sorry," he whispered to the ship. He was allowed the few seconds of self-pity needed to prepare for what he knew would find upon opening the doors. "I'll take care of you now." He stroked the wood up to the lock, introduced his key and opened without delay, then thought of multiple theories to explain his being able to open it.

Now the most important thing to him lay on the floor of the darkened control room. Rose's blonde hair lay on either side of his face, covering the chest of the other self.

Without approaching, he knew the other Doctor was dead. He had known since the feeling of loss attacked him minutes earlier. With trembling steps he approached the couple, not knowing whether to deny his hearts the opportunity to stay hopeful.

"Rose," called gently, touching the shoulder of the woman he had never stopped loving, the tips of his sensitive fingers caught something of human warmth, perhaps even had a hope, maybe she was not...could not be.

Swallowing hard, he slid his fingers onto Rose's neck. He found a weak yet rapid pulse- not the best, but enough. He sniffed and only caught the barest traces blood on his clone, too little to have been the cause of death. He sniffed again and got the spicy aroma of radiation- Dalek shot. But Rose was alive, and at the moment that was all he had. He felt guilty for such selfish thoughts, but only briefly.

He carefully slid his arms over and under Rose, pulling her to his chest, he had to get her out before her TARDIS died.

"Thanks," he whispered to wood and closed the door behind him. "Thank you for saving her life." He supported his forehead on the cold surface, concentrating on sending peace and calm to the ship. "Rest now my friend."

With a weary mental sigh, the TARDIS turned off the last of her systems, closing her doors forever, maintaining her Human Time Lord forever.

The Doctor briskly reached his own TARDIS, the sad, oppressive, and morbid atmosphere of that planet located within the confines of the universe, and the weather, was not the best for him and thus, even worse for Rose.

"Relax," he whispered in her crown. "It is me, Rose, relax."

The TARDIS doors closed and sent them into the time vortex on her own die to nothing but having the Doctor and Rose inside. This planet was the last place she wanted to be.

"I know," said the Doctor towards the central column. "I really do not like that place."

The Doctor opened the first door he found in the hall, needing the med bay and was sure that the TARDIS would comply.

"Please!" Instead she gave him the door to his room. Rolling his eyes, he tried to retrace his steps but the TARDIS closed and locked the door.

"Well, I understand this is a good enough place." He put away his blue sheets and left Rose on his bed. Now he could have time to get lost in the joy of watching her face, those soft pink factions that he had been missing. When he could look away from her face he noticed the gold ring she carried in the ring finger of the left hand. She had married! That news sparked feelings of jealousy, joy, sadness, love, and with it came the terrifying but possible truth.

The ring showed a human marriage, but his alter ego shared Gallifreyan traits. Perhaps he was also married to Rose in that way.

"No, no, no," he moaned running his hands through his hair. On his planet, couples rarely survived the death of their spouse, the mental emptiness and pain often crumbling walls of control even the brightest and strongest minds. Even if her partner had taught Rose to build these walls- that was his duty, had to teach how to preserve her privacy,-these were not strong enough to save Rose.

"No," he whispered, only to hear her heart beat even more weakly. There was only one way out, a chance, it was fortunate that he and his meta-crises were almost identical in all respects. "Here I am, I can, we were equal, I can save you, Rose."

He took a seat next to Rose and placed his fingers on both temples. He closed his eyes and entered Rose's mind. He was going to save her, even if she did not want to be saved.

Nothing had prepared him for what he found upon entering her mind.

Absolute chaos reigned in what once was the most brilliant and rosy mind that the Doctor had ever had the joy of visiting. The doors were opened, collapsed and burned bright with lethal fire. Trying not to see behind the doors the Doctor walked to the center Rose's mind. He had to reset the link, just to save her.

The strength came over him to traverse the pitfalls of her past mental shields. Its essence was beating faintly, fading every second. The Doctor stretched his mind ready to reshape the link when Rose's voice stopped him.

_"Doctor?"_

Her tone was that of recognition, Rose knew he was not her average human Doctor, how good could this link be? Is it what she wanted? His earlier decision to save her life, although even if she did not want to be saved, wavered.

_"Everything will be fine, Rose,"_ the Doctor whispered, remembering that he did not have to be a totally selfish, he could be only partially, could calm her mind for a few hours with a temporary link. He did not have to load Rose's mind with something that surely she did not want. He was not the meta-crisis Doctor, he was the Doctor, he regenerated, not yet but Rose did not want that, he had two hearts and an almost infinite life.

_"Doctor, no..."_ he could hear Rose begging. He was not interested in knowing, his priority was to save her, he would not consent to lose her for the third and final time.

_"Relax, everything will be fine,"_ he lied, then sent a gentle psychic nudge to Rose, encouraging her to take a needed rest, one without nightmares.

When Rose awoke hours later her head was spinning. She blinked a few times, confused by the lights shining on dark wood walls, no-must be recognized alien- of the room. The last time she had seen the TARDIS it was dull, dull, dying as she and her...

"Doctor?" A gentle squeeze on her hand made her want to turn her head. Her husband was dead, she must be dead too. That was the risk of permanent mental link and she had agreed to it willingly.

Silence fell for a few seconds, her discomfort growing.

"Rose, look at me." That infinitely pained voice pleading and begging for her attention.

How could she face him? What if she had left him for his permanent human version? He had said it was not a man who gave second chances and she did not deserve his compassion.

"Rose, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." A sudden weight sank the bed next to her hand, the messy hair of the Doctor tickled.

That was so typical of the Doctor, apologizing for everything, even if he did not have the slightest responsibility for the events.

"I have, I am guilty of the death of your husband, I should never have to present them the seed of TARDIS, I'm guilty of the destruction of your future, the loss of your family and I am guilty of what I have to do now to keep you alive."

Rose said nothing, as she digested the words felt the Doctor's fingers on his temples, his tormented presence once filled the depth of her mind, quieting the slight dull pain and anxiety of which had not been aware.

"It's a temporary link, my mind is identical to that of your husband, and it allows me to fool your mind into believing that ours are permanently bound," he explained, breaking the contact. "I need to do it every eight hours or you could die."

That explained why the Doctor had been answering her thoughts, she had not noticed before due to confusion and the feelings swirling inside. Embarrassed, Rose raised their shields hastily.

The Doctor misunderstood the action and backed away from her. He knew Rose did not want a bond, probably wished she had died beside her husband, as a normal human couple had done well not to form a permanent bond.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I could not...I," he tried to explain.

"Doctor," Rose finally turned to him, the tall, slim figure with spiky hair and old eyes she thought she's never again seen alive, was standing across the room, against the wall as if to cross it with back, or failing, to climb.

"Rose."

This time they got together without any Dalek fired midway. The only incident of note was the tangle of Rose with sheets and dizziness, which caused it to end in the arms of Doctor too strongly.

"I'm sorry," she said between giggles, however unapologetic for shock. "I thought I'd never see you again, you never forgive me, that..." Nervous laughter became hysterical and went on to a heartbroken sob that broke the Doctor's hearts into its component atoms.

"Rose, you have nothing to regret." With infinite care, the Doctor joined Rose. He sat her on his lap and allowed her to babble apologies and broken sentences against his shoulder. He could just understand the words and feelings that escaped from their primitive mental shields, but it would not be right to listen.

The Doctor waited until silence descended again before he realized that Rose had fallen asleep by the softness of her breathing. Doubtfully he lifted a hand, wanting to eliminate the nightmares of his dreams, but it would not be healthy. Rose had to deal with many things and even take the nightmares. It would not help her overcome the experience if he took them away.

He lifted her up and took her to the bed. He tried to let her under the covers but Rose's grip on his suit did not budge. That could give him that he secretly wishes too. Without shedding his converse, he crawled under the covers. Rose sighed and moved closer, looking for comfort in his body and the mattress.

"Rest, my Rose." He gently kissed the top of Rose's head, just a touch of his lips to her hair. He did not want to complicate things even more.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Doctor Who is not mine. I do not earn anything with this fic more than calm my feels. Enjoy.

Author Notes:

Thanks to my beta: MingoGirl, for helping me to correct my translation

I uploaded this fic to my account on Teaspoon: arcee93

Chapter II

Soul Searching

Exactly two hours after falling asleep, Rose's screams awoke the Doctor. Still sleepy, he clenched his sonic screwdriver in his fist, ready to neutralize whatever had entered the TARDIS.

Within a few seconds, he realized what was happening. Rose was having a nightmare, and he could feel her sweaty forehead pressed against his chin. Her screams became sobs and the Doctor just let the images of her terrors pass through the link into his mind.

It was not a nightmare, they were memories of what had happened hours before; who had taken Rose to the cemetery of the TARDIS and what had triggered such a tragic end to his meta-crisis.

It was strange to see himself -but he was not the same but he dressed and behaved like him...- in its scale of rarity, this probably took the prize, without decorum or fear walking toward a squad of Daleks, he always babbling as well.

"And you are the stragglers of the group that attacked a few months ago. Have you always been so useless?" He always caused his enemies? Sure, traits he shared with Donna were surfacing.

"The Daleks are superior, we are not useless," one screeched angrily.

"Oh of course you are, you were separated from Davros and praised for not being able to cross and help him in his strategy."

"We'll cross and we will help him conquer the universe."

"You go a little late." Darkness shone in his eyes as the Destroyer of Worlds loomed. "I end up with Davros." Rose took his hand tightly tugging slightly to let him know she was there.

The Doctor bounced on his feet; Rose just shook her head trying to figure out how to return him to the light. The Doctor could almost read his thoughts, his clone will surely expect a good return to the TARDIS. "He never went back to find out," thought the Doctor bitterly.

The images changed and the Doctor was found in the heart of the Dalek ship, watching everything as if it were a movie. Rose and the human Doctor running hand in hand, the second kept babbling happily about the changes he had made in the supply pipes of the ship and that they had only seconds before they all fly to pieces.

"They are going to die!" Rose yelled, lengthening her strides and picking up speed.

"If they live, they'll find a way to conquer this universe." The clone pulled Rose's arm to make her follow him. "Rose Tyler, come with me."

"He left me because I could make you better, but if I let you do this, if I allow you to soil your story in this universe, I would not be complying with what was entrusted to me."

"Come with me!"

"Or what? Would you carry me over your shoulder to the TARDIS?" Rose laughed, "you no longer have superior Time Lord physiology."

The meta-crisis Doctor glared her with his Oncoming Storm eyes, but Rose remained firm in her position.

"One chance, just one."

Rose smiled and hugged him tightly.

"I did not expect less."

The Doctor sighed, the Daleks would not take the opportunity to save himself and his clone and Rose would have to pay another murder on his shoulders.

The scene changed again, now finding them in a half-destroyed section of the ship, a Dalek seriously injured, could tell by the charred and mangled his body –it did look almost a drooling tentacle-, pointed to the happy couple and was closing step towards the TARDIS.

"The shield of your TARDIS protected this area, you have ensured the continuity of the Dalek race." the Doctor swore he heard in the voice of the dying Dalek a spark of madness.

"You don't have much." The clone protected Rose with his body, making sure to keep her behind his back all the time.

"The Daleks always survive!" The Dalek vigorously shook his blackened limbs. "The Doctor must die!"

Desperate the clone looked around, could not find anything that would get him off the hook, he shared a quick glance with Rose.

_"He will die as he shoots."_ The Doctor heard them saying through the link.

_"Doctor ..."_ Rose's eyes welled in tears of rage and guilt, if there were not convinced the Doctor to give them that opportunity, the surviving Dalek probably would not have had time to hide behind the shield of the TARDIS, with determined expression clutched his grip. "If he shoots you, we both fall."

"I'm sorry," he whispered, and pushed her aside.

"_Exterminate!_"

The Doctor opened his eyes suddenly, sweating as if he had been in front of that deranged Dalek. Rose still continued tight to his body, shivering in her nightmare. The Doctor returned to her company. Great was his surprise to hear her cry.

"Regenerate! Regenerate! Oh god!" Rose had managed to drag the corpse of the meta-crisis within the TARDIS. The faithful young spacecraft fired the rotor with a plaintive and broken sound as the Doctor ever wished to have heard. It was the lament of a TARDIS that has lost her Time Lord.

Rose seemed to understand, without departing from the body chest screamed at the console:

"He is not dead, not, Stop!"

But the TARDIS was lost in the frenzy of that last trip, the destiny of her entire race, the place at the end of that entire awaited even if they were from different worlds.

"No!" the ship landed gently and with a sigh the rotor lost all light generated. That trip exhausted almost all the energy of a TARDIS and overwhelmed by the loss she had only death.

Rose's scream pulled the Doctor his mind. With gentle movements measured and cradled her in his chest, rocked back and forth while humming a lullaby directly to the Rose's mind, he could not think of anything better. The words left over, even if he dared to speak in Gallifreyan.

Minutes later Rose was sleeping peacefully in the arms of the Doctor, keeping her nose buried in his suit jacket, and the purr of her mind was quite at ease.

She was probably confusing it with his clone, but the Doctor did not care. If Rose slept better surrounded by their shared smell, he would willingly lend her his shirts, or better yet, let her sleep with him every night, even if he had to lie still for six hours or more.

The Doctor tried not delude himself, Rose had lost her husband and would probably sleep with him for a few days. It could be that even, it was not the best for her to allow him to rest beside her. No, it was not the best for her confusion, pain, and guilt. He had to encourage Rose to sleep alone, even if it was the last thing he wanted.

Having made the decision, the Doctor started to enjoy the picture of Rose asleep in his arms, searing the image and feeling into his mind, because it must never happen again.

The TARDIS lights progressively increased, simulating a sunrise. Rose then stretched her arms and legs to hug the Doctor. Opening her eyes released her grip almost immediately, blushing intensely.

"Fancy a good infusion of tannins?" the Doctor proposes, struggling not seem pleased by the brief embrace.

Rose replied without looking at him.

The slight smile Doctor fell, the resolutions taken in the dark of night charged more weight to the evidence of daylight. Rose did not love him, she was just confused.

Without another word the Doctor left the room. There were still two hours before the strengthening of the bond was necessary, sufficient time to prepare a good breakfast for Rose.

Rose watched him go. The Doctor was not smiling; he used to literally bounce when he had the opportunity to meet some quirk that came from her lips. More proof that the Doctor did not love her more. He had passed and that was fine. With a corner of the sheet she wiped a treacherous, solitary tear.

Not yet ready to crawl out of bed, she began to detail the Doctor's room. The wooden walls with Gallifreyan words scattered here and there, soft red and gold carpet, elegant library and the huge canopy bed did not lose their distinguished despite being surrounded by equipment, wires, circuits and other gossip touch the Doctor had scattered around the place with several post-its stuck to any moderately clear surface. Rose forced the look and read some. Her late husband had been teaching her to read Gallifreyan.

"Ties," read a small paper box attached to a drawer.

Rose blinked away the tears that filled her eyes at the memories, at the thought of all that had lost hours ago. Without much thought, wrapped with the covers and buried her head in the pillow, the staff smell of the Doctor filled her nostrils pulling the tears that had been keeping in the depths of her soul.

She could not control the emptiness, loss, the feelings were terribly pressing, and she felt as if she was floating alone in the vastness of space and coldness, waiting impatiently for death, hoping that deafening silence that carry overwhelmed her senses.

"Rose, Rose! Rose ... Let me please, I can make it leave. Only…"

Without being aware of her own body, Rose loosened her grip on the pillow that had been squeezing against her face, took a deep breath, she had been near suffocation.

"That is, Rose, let me."

Despite having blurred vision Rose noted that the Doctor looked worried, he took the pillow and threw it at the other end of the room.

"Idiot! I was a total idiot!" The Doctor reprimanded himself, leaving Rose in his bed, and surrounded by his scent, images, everything that could remind her of her loss to the term of the bond being so close had been an almost fatal error.

"Just ..." with a gesture asked permission to Rose and she let him put his fingers on her temples.

The Doctor rushed to fill the void with their presence raw, gently stroked Rose's mind with his, whispering words that take comfort to her heart.

Rose ended the contact when was made aware of what her body was doing. She was hugging the Doctor as if her life depended on it. Looked flushed and bit her lip.

"Is okay, it is very natural," explained the Doctor trying to look calm and smart. "Rose, look at me," he placed one finger on her chin and lifted her face to locate her eyes. "I think you should return to your room," he said seriously, hiding great disappointment and longing in his voice. A little selfish part of his heart wanted Rose to refuse.

"Is fine, I understand." Rose sported equally determined, her walls impenetrable. Doctor's words confirmed what has been tried before. He not wanted her there. With trembling legs, she tries to stand. How long had she been lying in bed? She tried to get rid of the sheets.

"But before you go." The Doctor stopped Rose by holding her shoulders, "breakfast in bed!" He smiled from ear to ear completely dislodging Rose. He took the breakfast tray; he had left on the nightstand to see Rose choking on his pillows, and set it on the sheets.

"I'm not sure I could eat," Rose murmured looking at pancakes smeared with honey and butter and steaming tea. Her stomach turned into a knot and was sure it refuse food an unpleasant way.

"Well, that is understandable." The Doctor could not keep the disappointment from escaping and it reached Rose. Before he could lift the tray Rose stopped him holding his hand.

"It is okay," she accepted and biting a piece of pancake. It was not bad to hope to get to the bathroom before vomiting on the blue sheets.

"Rose, if you do not want it, that's okay, I get it," he said without taking his eyes to the point where their hands touched. If he dare he could lay his fingers to caress the soft palm and if he was really daring, holding her hand as usual.

None of this happened and Rose ended up eating two pancakes and took tea before aside the tray with a sigh. She had managed to keep food inside of her body.

"Better not force the stomach." Breaking contact of their hands the Doctor rolled the pancake was left and put it into his mouth whole. "I need to buy bananas and bananas syrup! Whoever invented it was a genius," he cried after swallowing.

Rose chuckled, and then paused. After everything that happened, It was okay to laugh? She wondered, discarding away the sheets and stood up. The Doctor watched warily, worried that his comment had triggered a bad reaction.

"My room is still where I left it?" asked Rose, as she was quickly overwhelmed by the memories of those wonderful years in early adulthood.

"And as you left it," the Doctor replied not wanting to show that he had not had the courage to empty it.

Without further words they left the room. Rose jumped to discover the white door to her room just front off the Doctor's. The TARDIS had done well; both discreetly brushed the dark wooden door located behind. The ship purred in their minds and, if she had eyes, they would have rolled.

Rose opened the door slowly, everything was clean, almost glistening, her old clothes could see through the open door of her closet, her bed was made and her red backpack empty at the foot of it.

"I'll let you install it, if not that you need it, but yes, yes, I will be in the console room," the Doctor stammered while tugging his ear. He disappeared down the corridor before Rose could even separate her lips.

Coward, coward huge, kept berating the Doctor while he was under the floor console repairing a temporary circuit. The strong Rose's feelings did not stop to getting to his mind, he was sure Rose was now crying uncontrollably on the sheets that smelled like him, because he was stupid enough to go to sleep there more than once when loneliness won him. And what he did about it? He was hiding under the floor, with fingers full of wires and oil. A groan from the TARDIS worried him out of his self-contemplation.

"Not old girl, I can not, She do not want me, it would not be right."

A spark burned fingertips Doctor, angry and answered them in the mouth:

"Do not give me moral lessons!"

The TARDIS hummed haughtily before silence.

"Ice-Law. How original!"

"What did you do?" Rose's voice made him jump and hit his forehead. With a closed eye in pain the Doctor came out from under the console. He looked at Rose lingering on her red and swollen eyes and she even was wearing those dirty and scorched clothes from the other universe, she looked away and he took up the subject.

"A pleasant chat between old friends," he lied.

"You lie," Rose gently caressed one corals, "Did you use 'percussive recalibration' again?"

"I did not hit her with any hammer!"

Rose looked column attentively listening to the TARDIS. She looked away and smiled the Doctor.

"She says that if you keep lying, she will not speak to you for the next hundred years."

"It would be a nice upgrade," muttered the Doctor taking a seat on the chair, "How you can talk with my TARDIS?!" he exclaimed in surprise.

"I don't know, I can only do it from the Game Station I could talk to her," she lowered her gaze, "With them," she said.

"Well, that's okay," the Doctor swallowed, this was no time for complicated explanations, but Rose wondered if he would respond with the truth.

"I wondered ..." Rose tugged at the sleeve of her sweater and Doctor shoulders tensed, ready for the inevitable asks, "Do you think we can travel?" he almost jumped in relief, Rose always surprised him.

"I can go anywhere, Rose," he looked worried, "It's been a very short time, are you ready?"

"I don't want to sound shallow, but I would rather go shopping, all those old clothes of my youth..."

"You are young."

"What I mean is that," Rose glanced around the room, avoiding the eyes of the Doctor, "I need some air."

"All right! Shopping and fresh air, I know the perfect place." The Doctor jumped up and began to pilot the TARDIS with his usual manic gestures. Rose bit her lips, memories of her human Doctor and Gallifreyan Doctor mingled in her brain, so intertwined that it seemed impossible to separate one from the other. With a light tap the TARDIS landed.

"Rose Tyler, behind those doors is Crixstys, year 5596, the planet has survived its first world war and now a globalized government has made it an entire galactic power. It is entirely safe and has one of the best views of the whole universe."

The Doctor watched Rose take small steps toward the door, he remained silent willing to pull her inside the TARDIS if he sighting any danger. It would not be the first time he was wrong on landing, he'd never admit it, but now was not the time to deal with errors.

"It is made of crystal!"

"It isn't actually crystal. It is a compound of biopolymers ... nah think it is crystal," he smiled to himself, they had landed where he wanted.


End file.
